I'm one-third through my life (if I'm lucky)
I recently came across this interactive tool that shows you visually how many weeks are left in your life based on your birthday (assuming you live until the age of 90). It's kind of mind-blowing to see how much time has passed. At the age of 30, I'm about one-third through my lifespan and that's if I make it to 90, which is an upside scenario that is likely but not guaranteed by any means. I then put in my parents' birthdays and that was even more chilling to see. They are about two-thirds through their lifespan and it feels scary to think about how I have less time with them than has already passed.
My dad's best friend passed away almost two years ago after having gone through a very difficult battle with cancer. He has glioblastoma, which is an incurable, aggressive form of brain cancer that robs people of their ability to speak, to walk, to eat on their own. It ruthlessly consumes the dignity we all deserve by birthright. Growing up, he was the fun uncle who was kayaking or going on some bike race. He didn't get married until he was in his early 40s and he was just so full of life and adventure. I saw the person who I considered to be one of the most active, adventurous, and loving people turn into a shell of a person, frustrated by his inability to talk and do anything by himself. Despite different drug treatments, nothing worked. He lived less than a year and a half after he received his diagnosis. He was a lovely human being that we continue to miss and think about everyday.
Seeing someone who was so health-conscious and hard-working pass away like that--without the chance to even raise kids, retire, or take whatever adventure was on his bucket list--was a wake-up call. We always say I'll take that trip later. I'll spend time with family once I get the promotion at work. Well, what if you're like Uncle T who never got to later? Time is truly the most precious resource and unlike money it is not renewable. You can always make more money but you can't get more time.
Sometimes, I get all down about my situation, feeling lost in life, and I ask myself: what in the hell am I doing? I'm a 30 year-old who is unemployed, has no boyfriend, and has no home. This is literally the definition of failure according to society, no? Meanwhile, my best friend just popped out a baby after having grown a human inside of her for the last nine months. What have I been doing? But then I think about Uncle T and how he probably would've given anything to be here. Anything to be alive and healthy, 30 years old again and traveling the world. Just being here is a gift that we won't always have.
When we zoom out from the BS of our day-to-day life, we realize that none of this stuff really matters. It's all background noise and we can choose to either turn it off or move somewhere else where the noise won't bother us. While we're alive and here, we can choose to enjoy it or we can be miserable. We always think that the grass is greener on the other side and that we'll have to time to get there. Both of these are false. The grass is just as green as it was on the original side and you don't know if or when you'll even get the chance to go anywhere else. Water the grass where you are while you can.
Life is a precious gift. Hug your loved ones a little closer. Let go of that annoying thing that happened at work yesterday. Actually stop to smell the roses. Treat yourself to a piece of cake or an expensive smoothie. Take joy that you made it. You're here, today, and that is an extraordinary thing.